Barbara Natterson-Horowitz and Kathryn Bowers, authors of the book Wildhood, explain the four needs of every adolescent as they transition to healthy adults. Plus, the surprising biology behind teen risk-taking behavior, particularly in groups! Exercise: Create a "Status Sanctuary"
As Barbara and Kathryn discuss, the teen brain is primed to climb the status ladder.  Teens are usually at the bottom of hierarchies with more experienced adults at the top making rules. Because of this, adolescents are constantly stressed about status. If your teen has ever acted like losing a friend or getting in a fight with a friend is “life or death,” according to Barbara and Kathryn, for teen’s brains,  it truly feels that way.
To help relieve the constant underlying anxiety due to status climbing, Kathryn and Barbara suggest creating a “status sanctuary” where teens can be free from constant comparison. It doesn’t have to be a spa-like experience, but it should ideally be done alone and sans technology. For your teen a status sanctuary might be something active, like going for a run or a hike. Or maybe they enjoy doing art, crafting, or baking. Encourage your teen to take a “status sanctuary” and offer to give them a room/space completely to themselves for one hour if needed. Remember, no looking at social media or scrolling through old text messages as both are social-status centered activities.

Ep 264: Ep 103: How Risk-Taking is Hardwired in Teens (Full Episode Re-release)

Parent-teen researcher Andy Earle talks with various experts about the art and science of parenting teenagers. Find more at www.talkingtoteens.com

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Kristina Kuzmic, author of I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, shares personal insights on handling teen depression, substance use, and the importance of connection over control in parent-child relationships.  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Full Show Notes Parenting a struggling teen comes with challenges that can often feel insurmountable. Whether you're facing issues like lying, substance use, tantrums, or even violence and aggression, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and at a loss for solutions. Understanding how to foster an environment where your child feels seen and supported—despite the chaos—can make a significant difference in both your lives. When Kristin Kuzmic's son began showing signs of severe depression and substance use during his teen years, she embarked on a journey to understand, support, and ultimately help him heal. Her story, detailed in her latest book, I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, offers a wealth of knowledge for parents in similar situations. Joining us on the show today, Kristina explains how her initial reluctance about sharing her journey turned into a powerful testimony of the strength and resilience required to parent a struggling child. With her son’s blessing and contribution, the book became a crucial resource for parents dealing with similar issues. Identifying Signs of Struggle Kristina noticed her son's change in behavior around age 12—what began as typical teenage mood swings escalated into serious signs of depression. From isolating behaviors to violent outbursts, Kristina's home became a battleground. Persistent therapy sessions seemed futile until the deeper issues at play were properly identified as clinical depression. Recognizing that these behaviors are symptoms of deeper issues, not simple teenage rebellion, was a vital step in addressing his struggles. Connection Over Control A theme that permeates Kristina’s approach is the necessity of connection over control. She emphasizes that the first instinct of many parents—controlling behavior—is often counterproductive. Instead, she advocates for a connection-driven approach, focusing on truly understanding your child’s individual struggles and needs. Practical steps like using grounding techniques and calming your own responses to their actions can open up channels for genuine communication and support. The Power of Showing Up Throughout Luca’s most troubling times, Kristina maintained a constant presence in his life, even when he tried pushing her away. This persistent showing up helped build a foundation of trust that eventually allowed her son to turn to her in his moments of deepest need. This approach is a testament to the importance of being physically and emotionally present, even when it feels like you're not making a difference. Navigating the Maze of Mental Health Support From psychiatric care to residential treatment centers, Kristina and her family navigated the complex mental health system. She shares valuable advice on making these decisions and finding the right support systems while emphasizing the importance of consent and involvement from the struggling teen. The Overlooked "Good" Child While dealing with a struggling child, it’s easy to overlook siblings who appear to be coping well. Kristina warns parents against this oversight, sharing how her daughter suffered silently while maintaining a facade of stability. Ensuring that all children in a family receive the attention and support they need, regardless of apparent signs of distress, is crucial. Self-Care is Not Selfish Kristina discusses the often neglected topic of parental self-care. Facing the immense emotional toll of supporting a struggling teen, parents might feel guilty for any self-indulgence or personal time. However, Kristina argues that taking care of oneself is also an essential part of being an effective, compassionate parent. Both her anecdotal experiences and the transformative advice from her friend Zach highlight that parents maintaining their personal well-being inadvertently lift a significant burden off their children. Communicate Clearly, Even with a Spouse Another key element Kristina found beneficial was maintaining open communication with her spouse through daily emails. This practice allowed them to express emotions and concerns without confrontation, resulting in a stronger partnership and a united front in dealing with their son’s struggles. In the Episode... Throughout our conversation, Kristina offers profound wisdom and practical advice for parents dealing with similar challenges. Other topics we cover include: - How to address violent behavior stemming from depression - Strategies for creating a trust-based rather than control-based relationship - How enforcing too much consistency may actually be counterproductive - How to spot signs of hidden depression in “good” kids If you are a parent, guardian, or anyone concerned about a struggling teen, you won't want to miss this episode. Kristina Kuzmic’s book, I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, provides a deeply personal yet universally valuable account. For more updates, Kristina can be found on social media under @KristinaKuzmic. Don’t forget to share and subscribe for more insightful episodes like this one! 
 Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok


Ep 291: Parenting a "Problem Child"

Heather Hester, author of Parenting with Pride, joins us to discuss the essential do's and don'ts for parents when their teenager comes out as LGBTQ, offering practical advice on supportive communication, unlearning biases, and addressing mental health and substance use concerns.  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Full Show Notes Every parent wishes to be a source of unwavering support and love for their children. However, when a teenager comes out as LGBTQ, many parents find themselves unprepared and anxious about how to respond appropriately. Initial reactions can be critical, as negative responses may have lasting repercussions on the teen's mental health and self-esteem. Introducing Heather Hester Our guest today is Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and the host of the podcast Just Breathe. Heather is also the author of the newly released book, Parenting with Pride: Unlearn Bias and Embrace, Empower, and Love Your LGBTQ+ Teen. With years of experience providing guidance and education to parents and allies of LGBTQ young adults, Heather is here to help us understand how to navigate this sensitive yet profoundly important process of supporting our LGBTQ teens. Why Initial Reactions Matter Coming out is usually the culmination of a long and often painful period of internal conflict for teens. Heather explains that parents must recognize this journey and approach their teen's coming out with an emphatic and supportive response. Contrary to instinctive reactions like "Are you sure?", which can undermine a teen's confidence, parents should focus on affirmations such as "I love you," "Thank you for telling me," and "I've got you." Heather shares that parents often inadvertently project their own fears and biases into the conversation, which can be damaging. Instead, she advises parents to work through their own uncertainties separately and to avoid placing these burdens on their child. Understanding the Process and Stages of Coming Out It's a common misconception that coming out is a single event. Heather clarifies that it’s a process composed of several stages, ranging from internal acknowledgment to public declaration and ongoing self-acceptance. By the time teens come out to their parents, they have typically already gone through significant internal struggles and are well past the initial phases of questioning and doubt. Recognizing this can help parents offer more meaningful support and understand the continued journey that lies ahead for their teen. This perspective also highlights the importance of ongoing support, as coming out is a recurring event each time a teen enters a new environment, such as changing schools or starting a new job. Different Identities and Orientations Heather also emphasizes the importance of understanding the diverse range of identities within the LGBTQ spectrum. These include not just lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations, but also gender identities like transgender and non-binary, as well as terms like intersex and asexual. She encourages parents to ask open-ended questions like, "What does that mean to you?" to foster a supportive and educational conversation. Addressing Mental Health and Substance Use Statistics show that LGBTQ teens are at a higher risk for mental health issues and substance use due to societal pressures, bullying, and a lack of affirmation. Heather explains the importance of proactive dialogue about these issues and remaining vigilant for changes in behavior. It's essential for parents to provide a safe and accepting home environment while also being prepared to seek professional help if needed. Emphasizing Present Acceptance One of the most impactful ways parents can support their LGBTQ teen is by expressing unconditional love and acceptance for who they are right now. Often, in an attempt to be encouraging, parents may focus on their child's future potential, inadvertently sending the message that who they are currently is not enough. Heather advises celebrating the teen's current strengths and acknowledging their journey to date. Episode Highlights - The critical impact of initial reactions when a teen comes out
- The process and stages of coming out for LGBTQ teens
- Distinguishing between sexual orientation and gender identity
- Addressing mental health and substance use concerns in LGBTQ teens
- How to express unconditional love and acceptance for your teen In the Episode…. Heather's insights are invaluable for any parent navigating the complexities of their teen coming out. On top of the topics covered above, we also discuss:  - Strategies for unlearning personal biases 
- The role of professional support in addressing mental health 
- How to create an affirming home environment 
- The importance of critical thinking in processing societal messages  You can find more from Heather Hester on her website, chrysalismama.com, or listen to her podcast, Just Breathe. Don’t forget to share and subscribe to the podcast for more insightful conversations on parenting teens. 
 Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok


Ep 290: How to Be an Ally to Your LGBTQ Child

John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit, explains how parents can identify when their teens are bullshitting and how to raise teens who critically evaluate the information they encounter.  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Full Show Notes As teenagers grow and seek more independence, they can sometimes wield sophisticated tactics to avoid responsibility or twist the truth to their advantage. This behavior, often dubbed “bullshitting,” can make the challenging task of parenting even more complex. But how can parents distinguish between harmless exaggerations, outright lies, and simple bullshit? In today’s fast-paced and information-saturated world, parents must not only navigate their teen's emerging independence but also teach them to identify and resist bullshit from other sources. Teens today are bombarded with information from social media, peers, and other influences, making it crucial for them to develop robust critical thinking skills. But how can we ensure that they are equipped to navigate this complex landscape effectively? Enter John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit. John is not just a researcher but an expert who has delved deeply into the concept of bullshit, differentiating it from lying and studying its impacts on individuals and society. With over a decade of empirical research under his belt, John’s work provides invaluable insights into how parents can better detect bullshit and teach their teens to be critical thinkers. Understanding Bullshit John introduces us to the nuances that differentiate bullshitting from lying. While both bullshitting and lying involve deception, the bullshitter often doesn't care about the truth—they aim to sound knowledgeable or impressive irrespective of the facts. This indifference towards the truth can have severe implications, influencing our beliefs, memories, and critical decisions. John shares fascinating findings from his research, including how people are more prone to bullshit when they believe their audience lacks expertise or won’t scrutinize their claims. This is where parents can start: by fostering an environment where claims are questioned and critical thinking is actively encouraged. Why Bullshit Matters Many parents might underestimate the significance of their teen’s bullshit, thinking it’s benign or non-malicious. However, John highlights how unchecked bullshit can cloud judgment, lead to poor decision-making, and have lasting negative impacts. It’s essential for parents to stay vigilant and model skepticism, not to erode trust, but to nurture an atmosphere where truth and logical evaluation are paramount. Teaching Critical Thinking In the episode, John shares actionable tips for parents to encourage their teens to become critical thinkers: Ask Questions: Encourage teens to think through claims by asking them, “Is that true?” or “Why might that be incorrect?” Model Skepticism: Show by example how to question information and sources without being cynical. Create a Safe Space: Allow your teen to discuss their ideas and beliefs openly, ensuring they understand it’s okay to be wrong as long as they’re committed to finding the truth. John also emphasizes the importance of teaching teens to recognize their own susceptibilities to bullshit, which can come from a desire to fit in, sound knowledgeable, or alleviate awkwardness. By making critical thinking a fun and engaging activity, parents can help teens sharpen their bullshit detection skills without feeling attacked or dismissed. Tackling External Bullshit  Teens today are also vulnerable to external bullshit from influencers, social media, and even certain educational resources. John encourages parents to: Discuss Case Studies: Go through dubious claims seen on social media together and break down why they might be misleading or false. Encourage Fact-Checking: Teach teens how to verify facts, check sources, and look for credible evidence before accepting claims as true. 
Daily Practice To make critical thinking an integral part of daily life, John suggests engaging in exercises that involve scrutinizing everyday statements and testing claims. This can start with simple issues—like evaluating advertising claims—and build up to more complex discussions, such as analyzing political statements or media reports. In the Episode… John and I explore a host of additional topics, including: Why experts aren’t always right How to constructively challenge bullshit without causing conflictThe relationship between confidence and bullshit susceptibilityThe role of personality traits in bullshitting tendencies By the end of this episode, you'll have gained valuable insights into fostering a bullshit-free environment and empowering your teenager with the critical thinking skills needed to navigate today’s world effectively. Don’t forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert parenting insights! Tune in to this enlightening discussion and share it with fellow parents to help them navigate the tricky waters of teenage bullshit and critical thinking. 
 Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok


Ep 289: The Art of Detecting Teen B.S.

Tiziana Casciaro, author of Power For All, joins us to explore the intricate power dynamics between parents and their teenage children, shedding light on effective strategies for sharing power, preventing power abuse, and empowering teens to make constructive choices in their lives and communities.  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Full Show Notes Raising teenagers presents a unique challenge in the realm of power dynamics. As children enter their teenage years, the once clear-cut power balance between parent and child begins to shift. Teens seek more independence, making decisions that parents may not always agree with, and sometimes even rebelling against parental authority. This shift can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and power struggles within the family. This week on Talking to Teens, we dive deep into the world of power dynamics between parents and teenagers with Tiziana Casciaro, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto and co-author of the insightful book *Power For All*. Her extensive research and work provide a profound understanding of how power functions and can be used positively within relationships, making her the perfect guide for parents navigating these turbulent waters. The Essence of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships Tiziana breaks down power as simply the ability to influence others' behavior and explains how this concept applies universally—from the teen wishing to gain more freedom to the parent hoping to guide their child towards certain behaviors. Power dynamics within the family evolve as teens grow, seeking validation and influence beyond their parents, which can dilute the parents' direct influence over them. Empowering Versus Controlling One key to maintaining a healthy relationship with your teenager is understanding the difference between exercising power over them and empowering them to make their own decisions. Tiziana discusses how sharing power and responsibility with teens can lead to mutual respect and better decision-making. By recognizing and validating their growing need for independence and control over their own lives, parents can foster a relationship based on trust and shared goals rather than on authority and rebellion. The Impact of Power on Relationships and Identity Tiziana illuminates how power can change people, often leading to overconfidence or inattentiveness to others' needs and desires. This phenomenon applies to both parents and teens as they navigate their changing relationship. Parents must balance their authoritative role with their child's growing need for autonomy, while teens must manage their newfound power without completely rejecting parental guidance. Educating Teens on the Use and Abuse of Power An essential part of parenting is teaching teens about the implications of power in wider societal contexts, including the importance of democracy, collective action, and moral responsibility. Encouraging teens to critically evaluate the leaders and influencers they choose to follow can empower them to contribute positively to society. Strategies for Positive Power Dynamics The episode concludes with practical advice for parents on fostering positive and productive power dynamics within their family. By understanding what their teens value and strive for, parents can position themselves as allies in their teenagers' pursuit of happiness, security, and self-esteem. Additional Topics Covered: - Identifying and supplying what teenagers value as a strategy for shared power.
- The role of democracy and collective action in teaching teens about power.
- The dangers of unchecked power and the importance of accountability.
- Encouraging teens to voice their opinions constructively, even in disagreement.
- Real-life examples of power dynamics reshaping family relationships for the better. Listening to this episode will provide parents, educators, and anyone involved in a teenager's life with a deeper understanding of how to navigate and negotiate power dynamics for healthier relationships and positive development. Don't miss this insightful discussion on empowering our teens and ourselves. Listen to the episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert advice on parenting teenagers. 
 Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok


Ep 288: The Balance of Power in Parent-Teen Relationships

Craig Wright, author of The Hidden Habits of Genius, explores the patterns and habits behind history's greatest minds, discussing curiosity, risk-taking, and why genius doesn't always equate to happiness.  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Full Show Notes Raising a teenager comes with its unique set of challenges, and one of the most daunting tasks for any parent, teacher, or guardian is nurturing the inherent potential within each young adult. Whether it's about encouraging academic excellence, supporting extracurricular passions, or simply guiding them through the trials of adolescence, the aim is often the same—to help them excel and perhaps, uncover a touch of genius along the way. But what really makes a genius? Is it an IQ score that soars off the charts, an unyielding talent in arts, or perhaps something deeper, something nestled within the folds of daily habits and choices? This week on Talking to Teens, we are thrilled to welcome Craig Wright, a Professor Emeritus from Yale and the esteemed author of The Hidden Habits of Genius: Beyond Talent, IQ, and Grit. Unlocking the Secrets of Greatness. With years of experience and research backed by travels across the globe to study history's most remarkable minds, Craig brings a new perspective on what truly cultivates greatness. Craig offers a fascinating breakdown of what defines genius, rebuking the traditional confinements of IQ scores and talents as sole indicators of a masterful mind. Instead, he introduces us to the equation G = S * D (Genius = Significance * Duration), opening a dialogue on how significance and duration play into the legacies of known geniuses and how these metrics can apply to our understanding of achievement and brilliance. Curiosity Over Scores Craig emphasizes the paramount importance of curiosity and broad interests as foundational elements of genius. The quest for knowledge and the eagerness to engage deeply with various topics can often outweigh the benefits of scoring perfectly on standard tests or focusing solely on specialized subjects. He argues that the SATs and academic grades, while important, should not be the be-all and end-all of a teenager's development. Embrace Risk and Learn from Failure The discussion delves into the idea that true geniuses are not only risk-takers but also individuals who see failure as a springboard for further exploration and discovery. Craig shares insights on how geniuses, despite their unparalleled contributions to humanity, often lead tumultuous personal lives, suggesting a degree of self-centrality required to push the boundaries of convention. Yet, it's this very ability to confront the unknown and recover from setbacks that fuel innovation and exceptional achievement. Cultivating Genius at Home For parents, the goal isn't to mould their children into the next Einstein or Da Vinci forcibly but to encourage an environment where learning, curiosity, and resilience are valued above all. Craig provides practical advice for fostering a safe space for intellectual exploration, emphasizing the importance of allowing teens the freedom to pursue their interests widely. Nurturing Tomorrow's Innovators In a world where specialization and immediate gratification often overshadow the virtues of patience and exploration, Craig's insights are a refreshing reminder of the values that truly nurture greatness. He advocates for a broader educational experience—encouraging teens to immerse themselves in liberal arts and humanities to develop empathy, critical thinking, and a broader understanding of the world. In this Episode... Join us as we discuss more hidden habits of genius, touching upon:The importance of moving and exposure to cultural epicentersThe distinction between prodigies and geniusesStrategies for improving concentration and productivityThe role of constraints in fostering creativityDon't miss this enlightening conversation with Craig Wright and discover how you can support the teens in your life in unlocking their potential for greatness. Who knows? The journey might just reveal a budding genius ready to change the world. Listen to the episode now, and don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights and strategies on navigating the complexities of teen parenting. 
 Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok


Ep 264: Ep 103: How Risk-Taking is Hardwired in Teens (Full Episode Re-release)

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